I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
