I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize