My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
