i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
