that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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