the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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