my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that's an acceptable place to lick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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