so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
