I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
