I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
