Don't you send me to vm
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
