I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
