Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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