I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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