If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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