so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
