Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?