i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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