Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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