There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
