he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
