So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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