dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize