Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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