My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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