Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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