I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
