dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
