Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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