Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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