we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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