Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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