i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
