Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
