Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
