so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
