Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
