did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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