is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
