Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize