will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
