Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
