walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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