I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
