Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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