I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
