Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
