i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
