I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
