I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
