need another drink. this is the easiest way
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
