Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
