Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So vagazzling was a success
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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