Banned from zoo.
Again?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize