Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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