Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you would pick up someone in the library
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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