I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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