just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
