Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
