11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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